January 2008


“In life, there are only so many things one can witness that would be so overwhelming, so lifechanging that even though not everybody would remember how it happened, the feelings will always be real, always be unchanged…”

- excerpt from Redkinoko’s The Final Post

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Tell me…

Is there anything more pleasurable than pain..?

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     Of all things, I never expected this day to start with tears.  It would’ve been alright if they were happy tears.  But they weren’t.  Not on my part.  It’s so ironic that the first thing I said when I called was “I’m sorry” rather than “Happy Birthday”.  It’s heartbreaking how there have been sighs and frozen silence where warmth and laughter should have been.  But then, I’ve got no one but myself to blame.

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You have become so much a part of me that loving you is no longer a matter of choice… It’s what I do… It’s who I am…

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     Some people say that the most romantic highlight in any date would be a candlelit dinner.  Others would say that it’s a moonlit stroll on the beach.  Little did I know, however, that today would bring to fruition one of the most romantic notions I’ve had in mind for the longest time… a kiss in the rain.

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     I always tell you that you’re the gifted writer in this relationship.  Your stories have a unique way of making words come to life, such that they seem to leap off a page to paint vivid pictures.  Your essays bare your soul for everyone to see, such that all those who care to look can’t help but feel your pain or join in your elation.  Your letters touch me so profoundly, such that I could almost feel you holding me in your arms as I read each line.

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     I was digging through the depths of my hard drive when I found a file that I haven’t opened in over a year.  It was a love story, albeit a virtual one.  And though it is a chapter that has been ended, bound, and sealed, I have this unexplainable compulsion to have a fleeting glimpse of it, and to share that glimpse with all who would like to see.  Yes, I am beyond happy with the chapter I am in right now, in the virtual and in the real world.  But that cannot eradicate the fact that once upon a time, in the virtual world that was Fenrir, there was a fleeting moment wherein the Lord Knight Deirdre Winterflame fell in love with the Mastersmith Hugh Hefner, an affirmation of the feelings that were unfolding in the real world.  This is their story…

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     It was a Thursday, but seeing the throngs of people strolling along the restaurant row, you’d think it was another holiday weekend.  Among the crowd, a guy and girl were walking hand in hand.  They were seemingly wrapped up in their own world; whispering softly while people were chattering gaily, walking unhurriedly while others were bustling about.  I wondered what it was that’s so special about this particular couple that caught my eye; maybe it was the way they looked at each other, as if they were the only two people in the world… or maybe it was the way they kept their hands joined while waltzing about to avoid crashing into people, as if letting go was the last thing on their minds… or maybe it was the impression they gave off, as if there were no two people happier and more at peace than they were.

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     You do more than complete me.  With you, I have far more than everything I’ve ever hoped to have.  Your love fills me with so much joy that I feel as if my heart is constantly overflowing with emotion.

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