If you would rather…

     This is one of those times when even I could not understand myself.  I am happy and content.  While there may be challenges every now and then, I still feel that I am blessed.  I have a wonderful family, a great job, and a perfect relationship.  But just when I decided to pen out my thoughts of thanks for James, I found myself writing a poem that is so overflowing with despair.  And while its contents may not be the reflection of my emotions right now, I would nonetheless like to share this with everyone.  If you would rather…

 

If you would rather hide me in the shadows
     Instead of painting pictures of us on your wall…
If you would rather have me drown in sorrows
     Instead of holding my hand while standing tall…

If you would rather break my spirit slowly
     And prefer to enshroud me in heavy misty veils…
If you would rather tire my heart until it’s weary
     And have my sobs intensify into wails…

If you would rather break me into pieces
     Instead of making me alive and whole…
If you would rather bind me with iron laces
     Instead of loving me to bind my soul…

If you would rather test the end of my patience
     And make me bleed in the most painful way…
If you would rather freeze me with your silence
     And pay no heed to the whispered words I say…

If you would rather be with them than see me
     If you would rather lie and let truth rot…
If you would rather choke me with melancholy
     If you would rather make me someone that I’m not…

If you would rather negate all the words you’ve spoken
     While I can barely breathe with every tear I cry…
If you would rather leave this heart you’ve broken
     Then let’s just end it now, I’d rather let my spirit fly…