When the miles go in between…

What makes up a relationship?

     Love? Of course. But even the most passionate love relationships require an enormous sum of work, compromise, passion, work, patience, a lot of patience, more patience, faith, passion, kindness, and work. Not to mention occasional signs of sweetness, a series of constant constructive insults, and blah and blah.

     When I say these things, I’m talking about normal love relationships; those kinds in which the lovers in question aren’t thousands and thousands of miles apart. So, when distance comes into the picture, would these very elements suffice the potential life-long love affair?

Why be in a relationship?

     Love? Well, that’s a given. When one is madly-crazily-insanely-and-dementedly in love, one’s immediate response is to plunge into “relationshipness”- with no care, no worries… just plain “happyfulness” and compulsiveness. Who can blame that person? Let love pass once and you’ll miss it forever, right? Right! A sure loss for the non-jumper.

     You submerge yourself in deep commitment with the ultimate goal of being one; to go through your whole lives together soul to soul. Everyday you direct your path towards each other; discovering each other’s past, aspirations, laughter, tears, weirdness, strengths, weakness and even dumbness. You start rebuilding your life, with this person included in your daily must-haves. Gradually, with very tiny effort if not none at all, you learn to incorporate this creature into your so-called existence. A practice run of how your life would eventually become when the two of you officially bind your hearts in front of God.

     But then… the unfortunate couples who, as if by the antagonizing power of the break-up devil, find themselves living across foreign seas, or at least across seemingly a million miles post this question…

How will we start learning to live with each other, when everyday, we have to adjust to living without each other?

     Sad.

Physicality is not all that makes up a lasting relationship.

     Before we agree to this statement, let me first discuss the other essentialities that trail along with physicality.

     As laid beforehand, couples enter into relationships with high hopes of forever spending their everydays together. They make amends every single waking day, adjusting to the other’s needs, wants, don’t wants and so on. Mannerisms, facial expressions, hand gestures, quirks, hygiene, eating patterns, driving maneuvers, daily must-dos, sleeping patterns, money spending, language usage, walking rhythms, vanity, punctuality, dance moves, singing ability, sports activeness, circle of friends, spirituality, and a myriad of other things.

     Initially, these may seem shallow but these are the very factors that define your significant other. All these things equate to who he or she is. And these are the very things you will have to adjust to if you choose to spend the rest of your dear life with that person. Adjusting, of course, will take forever and it will require hard work, close observation, and practice runs. Togetherness, in physical means, makes these adjustments possible.

     Apart, what couples adjust to are the heart-attacking-money-spending in overly expensive phone bills, far too much radiation due to prolonged cellphone usage, eye strain due to extensive IM conversations over the internet, almost sleepless nights waiting-for-dawn-on-the-other-side-of-the-planet and so on. You start to focus on these things rather than paying attention to the one who you do these things for. You start to grow; abandoned of real interaction, affection and comfort. Everyday, you lose grip of what’s important in your relationship. You start getting used to the feeling of being without that person. You start forgetting the feeling and eventually start unwanting the feeling. Thus, the fall of the so-called love affair.

     I have often wondered why people prefer this kind of sorrow. Actual torment. Agony in the plainest sense. I have once become a non-believer in long distance relationships. I believed that suffering through unrequited love, more so a long distance love affair, is a self-imposed punishment you should never subject yourself to.

Then I met him. Then I found love in him. Then I realized…

     if long distance means taking the chance of being in this moment again,
     of dancing slow through the music of sweet nothingness,
     of embracing this overflowing affection,
     of kissing my fears goodbye as I get lost in the melody of his voice,
     of seeing my whole life through his eyes,
     of feeling complete as he whispers forever in my ears,

Then I’m a convert… Then I’m a believer.

     Why go through a long distance relationship? Because you’ll never know… It just might be your last ticket aboard never ending happiness. As for me, I’d rather take that lift than stray around forever.

I love you James.