Loving always comes with a little letting go…

     I made what I could call a great blunder tonight.  I went out to dinner with a few colleagues without telling James beforehand.  Well, some would say it really isn’t such a big issue.  And as always, my boyfriend was understanding enough to forgive this lapse on relationship protocol on my part.  But then again what happened tonight made me realize one thing…

Loving always comes with a little letting go…

 

    Ironic isn’t it..?  The image that so often comes to mind when the word love comes up is that of tenaciously holding on against all odds.  And while this may hold true to some extent, I believe that just as we commit ourselves fully to being with someone, it is all the more imperative that we be ready to do our share of letting go…

     Letting go of some expectations… because the real could never measure up to our vision of the ideal.  Love isn’t a quest for finding a perfect person.  If that is the case, then we’d all end up as bachelors and spinsters.  Love is about acceptance.  One way or another, the one we love would fall short of our expectations, but instead of criticizing or putting blame, let us learn to appreciate all the quirks and foibles that make the other person unique.

     Letting go of the past… because a new chapter can only begin when the previous one has already been properly concluded.  Life is an endless learning process, and getting stuck on the past would halt the forward-flow of the learning curve.  One of the reasons why the “past” is called the “past” is that as we move forward, we just go past it to pick up learnings along the way, we are not meant to stop too long to dwell on it.

     Letting go of some pride… because in a relationship, it’s no longer the “ME” and the “I” that matters, but the “US” and the “WE“.  Between two people, there would always be differences of opinion, belief, behaviour, or outlook - from the most trivial to the most significant.  But we must remember that stubbornly insisting on being right would do nothing more than cause unnecessary tension and resentment within a relationship.  Mutual respect and acceptance, as well as a willingness to meet halfway and compromise would go a long way in ensuring a healthy balance between harmony and diversity.

     Letting go of the pain… because the person we love would inevitably hurt us one way or another, and when this happens we should keep in mind that this does not mean that they love us less.  Pain suffocates the soul, and if it is left to rankle for too long, it hardens into a core of bitterness that can make us cold and callous.  A loving heart is a forgiving heart; one that is willing to overlook the faults, supplement the shortcomings, and rectify the mistakes.

     Letting go of some old habits… because being with someone isn’t all about painting a rosy picture of togetherness; it is about making adjustments as well.  In my case, being single for almost a year made me so used to not being accountable to and not being responsible for someone.  The independence is something that I really enjoyed, but being in a committed relationship now, do I miss it?  I honestly don’t.  Because even though the freedom singlehood provides allows for unhindered actions and monopolized decisions, at the end of the day, I would much rather share my life with someone - the right one - and take comfort in the fact that in a world that can sometimes be so confusing and frightening, there would always be a hand that would so gently cradle mine, eyes that can allay all my fears, and a voice that would whisper that everything would be alright… and the best part of it all is that I would believe him without a shadow of doubt.

     Letting go of the pettiness… because sometimes, the little things; the petty and the trivial, could wield the severing axe as viciously as the greatest faults and mistakes.  Jealousy, vindictiveness, insecurity, sarcasm, and apathy are all different facets of the same thing; pettiness.  While these may take on subtle forms, and cause barely noticeable pinpricks of pain, they are molehills that are quite capable of forming themselves into mountains if left to run unchecked.  We hear of so many relationships that fall apart because of “so many little things over the years”.  Place your complete faith and trust on the one you love.  Smooth out all the wrinkles are soon as they begin to form.  And remember that if Marketing’s rule of thumb for brand success is to “differentiate, differentiate, differentiate“… Love’s rule of thumb for a relationship’s success is to “communicate, communicate, communicate“.

    Finally, letting go…  just plain letting go, because clinging too tightly would merely suffocate your love, instead of allowing it to flourish.  Keep in mind that for two trees to grow strong together, side by side, there should be space enough between the two of them so that they could spread their branches.  Keeping them too close together would only encumber their growth, and they would both end up cramped and stilted.  Likewise, true love means letting the other person find his or her own way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.  It is only in this way that true love can be affirmed. 

 

I love you James… I’m sorry about tonight  >.<